Dear Chris Brown: #1? Kudos.

Source: Rap Radar

Dear Chris:

I just read on Rap Radar that you are now the owner of the #1 spot on the Billboard charts. Congrats on your return to the #1 spot. I had no doubt I'd not ever read a headline such as that one ever again.

Over the past year, I've seen your genuine moves. You could have become a belligerent drunk, or been caught with Kat Stacks and some coke on your mantelpiece, but you chose a different route, and on behalf of all cynics, I appreciate that.

I mean, you even wore a bow tie at one point. Any man brave enough to make that decision without hesitation is definitely about his business.

Nonetheless, I was chatting with my homie Courtney Brown last night, and we both agreed that Trey Songz would have absolutely not made any type of noise. If anyone recalls "LOL," Trey was literally playing with the heads of consumers, singing scales at the beginning of the song as if he were sending out a mating call for birds: 804-335-1-00-5-1. LOL. Literally.

Was that his phone number or morse code? Oh who cares, this is about you, Chris. Kudos.

Now, don't fuck it all up please. No dating for another year. Now is not the time to start parading a bunch of mark-ass tricks in front of your climb back to the top. Just remember Soulja Boy.

xo,
Black Daria ;/

Since EVERY other F'ing blogger is gonna post it...

So will i...why not get a few freaking hits on my blog too?

I still think that Beyonce is too much. I also like the Sweet Dreams video better than this one, even though that one looks like the other four she did before that one.

But I digress from my point.


Beyonce, featuring Lady Gaga. Here's how I imagined this went down:

To: Bey
Date: September 14, 2009
Time: 1:04 PM
From: Gagabitches


Hey Bey-

Can I call you that now? Good seeing you at the show last night. So, I'm rethinking this whole Kanye tour after the stunt he pulled. Hope my management gets on that before they start releasing the promos, although you know shit like that makes for good press.

Anyway, let me get to the point. After your father practically squeezed my ass several times to get my attention despite my security... Your father Matthew (nice man, please send him my regards) suggested I speak to you about a duet. He thinks it would be big for both of us.

Maybe we'll go on tour?

Let's do lunch.

~GGbitches

**********************
From: Bey
To: Gagabitches
Date: September 15, 2009
Time: 2:12 PM


Dear Lady Gaga-

Please be advised that this is Beyonce's assistant typing for her, as she does not care to type unless necessary. She's also not very smart, and couldn't write a sentence to save her ass, however, she's gifted and I'm honored to work with her.

As per your request, Beyonce's management will be in touch soon. As soon as we find a song to recycle, we will schedule a call with your people immediately.

As per Beyonce, she "Will pass on lunch. I'm not as desperate as Ciara yet, and I'd rather pull that Trump card later." (Sorry, she makes me write these things.)

Sincerely,
Beyonce's Assistant (awaiting her clearance on calling her Bey, please refrain until obtaining notice, as per her lawyer who reads every email I write.)

************************

Well, you be the judge on the end product. Courtney Brown, my co-host on Thursday's Return of the Black Daria Files radio show, seems to like Bey, and no likey Gaga.

I think everyone knows how I feel about this, and I think it may have been a reach to get Taylor Swift. Or something.

Your thoughts?



xoxo,
Black Daria ;/