Dear Benzino: You Aren't Important Enough to Get Shot.

Dear Benzino,

What in TARNATION would you have to be doing to owe someone anything for you to get shot? Aren't you the former owner of The Source? I know you got money...why would your nephew shoot you for something so frivolous?

Oh, I forgot. Us Blacks do dumb things like this to get money...or are you Latino? Eh, doesn't matter. I wish you a speedy recovery.

Best,
Black Daria

source: Rhymes With Snitch

Dear Kim and Kanye: You aren't fooling anyone...

Dear Kanye and Kim:

If you think you are going to get away with not paying for your engagement video, you are dead wrong.

Confidentiality agreements aren't always binding...so done with these shenanigans.

Nice outfits.

Best,

Black Daria

source: TMZ, Karen Civil (image)

Dear Grannies: The Blacks are equally confused about Beyonce and Kanye. Trust.

Dear Grandmas:

On behalf of America, we apologize for the lyrics of Beyonce and Kanye West. If you knew anything, you'd know that they are victims of this thing called Corporate America, where they do things like tell you to write ridiculous songs so they can pay their bills.

Anyway, enjoy your crumpets and tea.

Best,
Black Daria

source: YouTube, Huffington Post

Dear Ja Rule: A new reality show? OK, I guess...

Dear Ja,

I won't talk about that party I went to back in the 2000's where your secret squirrel looking ass thought it was your birthday and not Ashanti's. I don't even remember the name of the club, just your arrogance which eventually caught up with you.

Fast forward to 2014. A new reality show? Cool, I guess. Will I watch it? Eh. Depends. I'd choose Revolt over MTV considering that new potential merger with Fuse, and I'd wait about two more years (giving them time to create the reality TV show lane...eventually they will have to fold towards that arena), but this is your life and not mine (#firstworldproblems).

In the meantime, stay your ass out of jail. And make sure you remember your worth when signing that contract. I see a lot of party hosting at strip clubs in your future. Another album? I'll pass.

Best,
Black Daria

sources: MTV, HipHollywood, Revolt TV, Bloomberg, Fuse

Dear Porsha: You aren't fooling me...

Dear Porsha,

Way to work the PR machine! After those 'devastating' reports that you were left with nothing from your marriage to Kordell Stewart, we now learn that you've been secretly dating the very rich son of an African President...

One who seems to not only run his country under a dictatorship, but likes to eat parts of his opponents to gain power.

Sounds like a real catch...good luck with that. Let's just hope you can sell that Rolls Royce his son bought you when you find yourself having a rainy day. 

Oh, and since we all know you didn't go to history classes in school (don't think we don't remember your screw up with the Emancipation Proclamation), you miss, can not be a princess, as he's not a prince. He's just the son of the President. I know, Coming to America was quite the tease.

Nice steering wheel. That's just about as nice as I can be to you.

Best,

Black Daria

Dear Mona: Got $50 million?

Dear Mona,

This isn't looking too good. So it appears that there are two people who are claiming that the Love and Hip Hop Franchise on VH1 is really an idea spun from their pitch to have a show called 'Hip Hop Wives' come to the airwaves.

Copyright Infringement, Fraud and Breach of Contract...if that equals $50 million dollars, then sign me up. I know there's a show out there I initially thought of...

Oh wait. I don't recall signing any contracts.

Good luck with this...that's a lot of ad revenue dollars lost for VH1. I'm just gonna call it now and say they win $10 million. Let's see if I am right.

Best,
Black Daria

source: VH1, CocoaFab

Dear J. Lo: Yes, you would...

Dear Jennifer,

Don't you even lie.

You know you would let both Ben Affleck and Diddy drown (starts @ the 5:22 mark).

#thatisall

Best,
Black Daria

source: TMZ, BigBoyTV via YouTube