And I wondered, do I really want to say what I am about to write? Then I thought about how there are too many theories being thrown out there, and not enough stories. Too many reporters, writers, journalists and colleagues with opinions, but no offerings of solutions.
So here is my story. And if I am considered a loser for it, oh well, I think it needs to be heard. Fuck these bullshit theories.
This morning, someone asked me on Facebook "have you ever seen your Mom look like this as opposed to Glammed up?"
"Yes, I have." I don't think dude was ready for that.
I was 5 years old, and I was taking a nap. I heard scuffling, but I wasn't quite sure what I was hearing, as I was drifting in and out of sleep. The next thump, and I knew instantly I wasn't in a good situation, and the two people that normally protect me were the ones I became afraid of during what seems like 20 minutes of that fight, and I wondered what to do next.
For years, I never forgot that day. I still remember it like it was yesterday. The one poingnant memory was throwing out my Hello Kitty Kitchen set. It was ruined...covered in blood, and irreplaceable, no matter how much I scrubbed, the blood just wouldn't come off the back of that fake wood platform that supported the yellow sink, and all those doodads I liked.
And when I got older, a man put his hands on me for the first time at 16, and I fought back. The first feeling was fear, then the sinking feeling in your stomach that things won't ever be the same again. He'd been abused as a young man, with his first sexual relationship by an older woman when he was 12 years old, which he admitted years later. There were other abuses as well that he endured.
The second time I was 22, and I continued to date this man, as he began to verbally and mentally abused me. And then there was that one argument that happened, where he questioned my intelligence, and told me my college degree in Communications was pretty much a joke because he didn't understand the email I wrote to him. His dad had abused his sister, and was a womanizer, to say the least.
That email I'd written to my ex was in regard to the past 3 years of abuse. And I snapped.
The road to recovery wasn't easy, but by the grace of God, friends and therapy, as well as having a mother who at 57 years old, obtained her Masters Degree has been MY STRENGTH.
And I want to be clear. My mother is the strongest woman I know. And she was a victim just like Rihanna. Different upbringings and stories, but the nucleus of abuse was there.
My dad? Well, I believe he was a victim too. From the stories I was told about him later as a young adult, I learned he was often abused and antagonized about his dark skin color. Abuse is so real, that when it develops, it often comes as result of past abuse...of any kind.
So my message on Rihanna's birthday (how fucking timely) is to get help if you've seen this picture above, whether was your sister, or your Mom, or even yourself. You should also get help if you saw your Dad do this to your mom, your sister, or another woman you love. If you've grown up in an abusive household, or have been in an abusive relationship, you must talk to someone about what you saw. It isn't normal, wasn't normal, and won't ever be normal. The path to happiness and your destiny lies within you and a support network to help you see your true value, and to know how to walk away.
The last time I found myself there, I walked away. And I won't ever go back there again. I won't judge Rihanna or Chris Brown, because BOTH OF THEM saw abuse, and even dished it out far before this picture surface. It's been reported in articles, in television interviews...
Everything except what they did to help themselves. So I say let's help them. Not end their careers with labels. They are young and they need help, and even if they were as old as Ike and Tina were, they'd still need help. And then we need to celebrate the victory of recovery.
xoxo,
Black Daria :/
This post is dedicated to Nakiah C....you told me to "release"...that's what I did. I'd also like to state that I think women who are being abused should see this picture, in case you'd like to know why I posted it, even though I feel in the case of these two it was irresponsible. It's the one you don't see of millions of women whom this happen to, and if this has been you, internally or externally, leave and get help. Men, if you've done this to a woman, or seen this, please...get help.
